I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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