alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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