I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
