There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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