I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying