Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.