How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.