I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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