i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.