Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.