I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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