I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You can't special order awesome
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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