why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
