mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
