they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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