Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and she was petting her beer can
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
