"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
