kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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