I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
this hospital has no fireball
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
