You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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