Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
