Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
