my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He did a backflip because drugs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
