mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
