i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
