maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
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Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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