Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
false alarm, still single
Randomize
