That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
