Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need to align my fucking chakras
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
