Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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