I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
