i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
