I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
