watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We are all done wearing pants today
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
