I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
