Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
