I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
