my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
