i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
