Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
