I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think your dad took our porno
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
