guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
