I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
