Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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