Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
