these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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