I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
