Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
