I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You ruined the universe
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
