didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
