i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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