OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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