why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
