He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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