Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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