Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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