we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
