my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
