Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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