my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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