Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize