we're blogging at a bar
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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