idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
