Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
