Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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