Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
