dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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