should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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