Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
