Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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