like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
