listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
