i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?