i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
