Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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