I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You made out with two different species that night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
