ugly people sure do ruin things
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
