It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My life is pants optional.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
