evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
