she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
should my penis look like a turkey
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
