so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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